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Frogs by Aristophanes
Dramatis Personae
XANTHIAS: a slave.
DIONYSUS: the god, appearing in human form.
HERCULES: the legendary hero.
CORPSE: a dead man being carried off to Hades.
CHARON: the ferry man transporting the dead to Hades.
CHORUS OF FROGS
CHORUS OF INITIATES
AEACUS: a gatekeeper in Hades.
SERVANT
FIRST HOSTESS (PANDOKEUTRIA)
SECOND HOSTESS (PLATANE)
SERVANT OF PLUTO
EURIPIDES: the playwright
AESCHYLUS: the playwright
PLUTO: king of Hades
VARIOUS ATTENDANTS
[The play opens on a street leading to Hades, with a door in the
centre of the backstage area. Enter Dionysus, appearing as a
middle-aged man with a noticeable paunch, wearing a yellow tunic
and over that a lion skin. He’s carrying a huge club, one commonly
associated with Hercules. On his feet he wears soft leather lace-up
boots. Behind him comes his slave Xanthias, riding on a donkey and
carrying a huge amount of baggage. Xanthias notices the audience]
XANTHIAS
Look, master, an audience! Shouldn’t I speak up?
Tell them one of those jokes they always fall for?
DIONYSUS
Oh, all right—say what you like. Only no jokes
about how you’re dying to piss. I can’t stand those—
they’re all so stale.
XANTHIAS
What about my other jokes?
DIONYSUS
Go ahead—just nothing about your bladder,
about how it’s going to burst.
XANTHIAS
What? You mean I can’t tell
that really funny one . . .
DIONYSUS
I suppose so—
but don’t say anything about the bit.
XANTHIAS
What bit?
DIONYSUS
The bit about how you need to shift your load 10
to take a piss.
XANTHIAS
Not even this one—
“Here I am transporting such a load
if I get no relief I may explode.” [10]
DIONYSUS
No! Please, please, don't tell them that one—
not unless I’m sick and need to throw up.
XANTHIAS
1Then what’s the point of my being here like this?
Why do I get to carry all the heavy baggage
if I can’t tell the usual porter jokes—you know,
and Lycias, too, in all their comedies 20
provide the slave who carries all the bags?
DIONYSUS
Just don’t. Those jokes are all so feeble—
when I have to watch a play and hear them
by the time I leave I’ve aged at least a year.
XANTHIAS [striking a heroic tragic pose]
Alas, for my neck beneath this triply damned yoke.
I suffer all this pressure and can’t tell my joke. [20]
DIONYSUS
It’s an outrage, sheer insolence, that I,
Dionysus, son of Winejar, have to walk like this,
sweating along so he can ride at ease
without a care and carrying no load.
XANTHIAS
What!? 30
Aren’t I carrying the load?
DIONYSUS
How can you be?
You’re riding on your ass.
XANTHIAS
I’m loaded down.
All this stuff . . .
DIONYSUS
What do you mean by that?
XANTHIAS
What I just said carries lots of weight.
DIONYSUS
Isn’t the donkey carrying our load?
XANTHIAS
No, no way. Not the load I’m holding.
DIONYSUS
How come?
How can you be carrying anything at all
when someone else is carrying you?
XANTHIAS
I’ve no idea.
But my shoulder’s falling off. [30]
DIONYSUS
All right, then.
Since you claim the donkey’s useless to you, 40
why not take your turn and carry it?
XANTHIAS
What a wretched life!
I should have gone away to fight at sea—
then I’d be free, and I’d have told you straight
what you could do with that ass of yours.
2DIONYSUS
Get down, you useless idiot! We’re there—
by the door I’m aiming for, my first stop.
[Dionysus knocks very aggressively on the door and calls out in an
imperious tone]
Hey, in there! Doorman! I’m summoning you.
[The door opens and Hercules steps out, wearing a lion’s skin and
carrying a club. He’s amazed that someone is dressed up to resemble
him]
HERCULES
Who’s banging on this door—smashing at it
like some wild centaur. My god, what’s this?
[Hercules inspects Dionysus’ outfit and starts to laugh uproariously]
DIONYSUS
Hey, my boy . . .
XANTHIAS
What?
DIONYSUS
Didn’t you see?
XANTHIAS
See what? 50 [40]
DIONYSUS
How scared he was of me?
XANTHIAS
Yes, by god, he was,
scared you’re nuts.
HERCULES [doubling up with laughter]
By holy Demeter,
I can’t stop laughing. I’ll try biting my lip.
No, no use. I can’t stop laughing at him.
2
The fight at sea refers to the Athenian naval victory of Arginusae (406 BC). Athenian slaves who had fought were freed (this is the first of a number of references to this action).1
Phrynichus, Ameipsias, Lycias: comic poets, rivals of Aristophanes.At Richer Resources, we are dedicated to the creation of high quality books, art and other media intended to enrich the lives of individuals of all ages.
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